Post by Carl Ballard
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. You guys have to check out this new book by Lou Guzzo (post for Oct 5). It’s going to be his best book so far, or at least his best book that doesn’t have Doctor Dixy Lee Ray.
It was as if I was reading my own book. A New York Times article has reported that “astronomers said they have found a distant planet capable of harboring water on its surface, thus potentially making it a home for plant or animal life.” Wonder of miraculous wonders!
So far I’m with Guzzo. That is pretty rad. Although I can’t believe the article forgot to mention him.
In my recent science-fiction book, “The Amazing World of Tomorrow; Is It Really Science-Fiction,” the principal character at a time at least 200 years from today commands a space ship that is capable of venturing far out beyond our own universe to a planet that is virtually a duplicate of earth.
This is an original idea for Science Fiction. Please please please, tell me your book’s subhead is a question without a question mark. That makes it the greatest title ever! I don’t see it in the publications section of Guzzo’s site or Powells. For the love of Jesus, I need this book.
The Times piece goes on to report the following: “Nobody from Earth will be visiting soon. The planet, which goes by the bumpy name of Gliese 581g, is orbiting a star about 20 light years away in the constellation Libra. But if the finding is confirmed by other astronomers, the planet, which has three to four times the mass of Earth, would be the most Earthlike planet discovered and the first to meet the criteria for being potentially habitable.”
I have to ask the Times how they forgot to mention Lou Guzzo. He has a new novel, In Space No One Can Hear Rock And Roll.
Besides being a work of science-fiction, my book winds up being an extraordinary message for Christians the world over. My space ship’s captain guides his craft into the atmosphere of his Earthlike find and gradually over a valley that seems very familiar to him and his lady friend, who is also aboard.
HE HAS A LADY FRIEND? This is without a doubt the best book ever written.
As the space ship descends over the valley and eventually lands there, the commander and his crew discover that the entire area is a duplicate of the Holy Land in general and Jerusalem in particular. Upon landing, the visitors from Earth discover other landmarks and buildings that are replicas of the Jerusalem of today.
What the hell does “a duplicate of the Holy Land in general and Jerusalem in particular” even mean? I can’t fathom. Is it only kinda-Holy-Landish in the suburbs? I’ll let you know when I read the book.
Of course, it’s not only a story of the duplication of Christian beginnings. It’s also a love story, as the commander, an agnostic all of his life, realizes his error and returns to Earth a rejuvenated man. He also realizes that his female companion was right all along in urging him to embrace Christianity. Thus, I have woven a science-fiction novel into a message of Christianity and finally into a love story.
You guys, it’s a love story. That’s never been done before in literature.
But let me get back to the Times’ report: “Gliese 581g (whose first name is pronounced GLEE-za) circles a dim, red star known as Gliese 581 once every 37 days, at a distance of about 14 million miles. That is smack in the middle of the so-called Goldilocks zone, where the heat from the star is neither too cold nor too hot for water to exist in liquid form on its surface.
Right. This is shit I can read anywhere.
“Other astronomers hailed the news as another harbinger that the search for ‘living planets’ is on the right track. But they expressed caution about this particular planet, noting uncertainties about its density, composition, and atmosphere, and the need for another generation of giant telescopes and spacecraft to find out anything more about it.”
Yes, yes, yes. We certainly need more science. But what I need is a sentence that convinces me to buy your book.
In the meantime, folks, read my book and enjoy the combination of space lore, romance, and a tip of the religious hat to Christianity.
“a tip of the religious hat to Christianity” makes me think Lou was wearing a Pope hat when he wrote that sentence. Where the hell is my copy of this imaginary book?
That deserves the OMGWTF award for excellence in what-the-fuck?
Best find/post of the year Carl.
“In Space No One Can Hear Rock And Roll.”
PRICELESS
I had never clicked on the side bar till now. Under the heading “publications” is this gem:
Completed Books by Lou Guzzo Awaiting Publication:
“Masseur; Chronicle of an International Rascal”
“F!D!F! (Fire! Dammit! Fire!); A Feast of New Ideas”
“The Wisdom of Dixy Lee Ray; A Primer for Conservatives”
“Romulus and Remus: A Modern Parable’”
“When Did I Die? Richard Lachman, The Artist America Forgot”
The cover photo for “Masseur” is very beguiling…. but, alas, it is “awaiting publication” Perhaps his totally awesome sci-fi tome is “awaiting being written”
So much waiting. Perhaps someone can write a book on Lou’s books awaiting publication?
“Masseur”?? Does Lou write softcore porn or something?
As the space ship descends over the valley and eventually lands there, the commander and his crew discover that the entire area is a duplicate of the Holy Land in general and Jerusalem in particular. Upon landing, the visitors from Earth discover other landmarks and buildings that are replicas of the Jerusalem of today.
Because “the Jerusalem of today” is just so relevant to Jesus and Christianity. Also, advanced space ships lack the ability to take and analyze pictures from orbit. I want 666 copies of this great Christian/love story/Science fiction/recipe book, now!
Upon landing, the visitors from Earth discover other landmarks and buildings that are replicas of the Jerusalem of today. They are greated by gentle, white families reminiscent of those depicted in “Watchtower” magazine, who offer the weary travellers sandwiches of Kraft singles and Hellman’s Mayonaise.