Posted by Robby
Jonathan on the tea bagging:
The Democrats are certainly scared now. They’re scared that you, the hard-working American taxpayer, will stop working, or stop paying taxes, or both.
Yeah, I’m scared beyond belief. You know what really put the fear of God into me? Those two elections that we won pretty handily. If the 2006 and 2008 cycles showed me anything, it’s that Americans just aren’t buying what the Democratic party is selling, except for the part where the vote for us, I guess.
With so many events in so many locations, it is quite a task to add it all up. So far, we are over 1,000,000 attendees.
That’s a lie, of course.
By idiotic stunts like teabagging and opposition to stimulation of the economy, the Republicans are doing everything in their (weak, thankfully) power to make Jonathan’s quoted paragraph into reality.
What they’re doing would indeed lead to Americans not working (i.e. unemployed) and not paying taxes (since they wouldn’t be earning any income).
Mission Accomplished!!
That’s a lie, of course.
These people are not very good at math.
Math — like all empirical, scientific, and “reality-based” disciplines — has a liberal bias.
Robby, admit it: we’re scared. We tremble in fear (NOT shake with uncontrollable laughter) when they wave their, um, teabags in each other’s faces. We secretly lust for their blindingly white, flabby, overweight bodies; their willingness, to follow Rupert Murdoch’s Fake News Channel wherever it might tell them to go, fills us with admiration at their discipline. (We only wish we could show such fealty to Lord George Soros.) When we think of all of them, so many hundreds of dozens strong, refusing to pay less income tax towards government spending which will enhance their towns, we wonder where we’ll get the funds to keep Blackwater killing civilians in Iraq for another five minutes. (And the stealing! How will we pay for contractors’ theft? THINK OF THE CHILDREN OF ARMS DEALERS!!)
But most importantly, we envy the moral authority they hold, from their tireless opposition to governmental waste, fraud, and abuse. We marveled at their stoutness of, um, purpose, when they demanded to know who would profit from our attacking Iraq. We admired their blistering refusal to believe any of the lies told by Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, et. al, and we loved how eloquently they spoke truth to those Powers That Be. (Their astute denouncement of Ahmed Chalabi as a fraud and impostor really showed us liberals as the gullible “moonbats” we are.) Their ceaseless demands that Bush focus on Afghanistan instead, their endless criticism of his family’s financial ties to the country which produced 15 of the 19 terrorists on 9/11, their vast letter-writing campaigns to Rep. Mark Foley — they even offered to send their young, cute, strapping teenage sons to ‘picket’ his ‘office’! — showed their true feelings toward our government’s policies. We could never match their tireless advocacy for This Great Nation of Ours — of Theirs, really — and we can now do nothing but tremble. (NOT with laughter! NEVER with laughter!!1!1!)
So, wave a teabag. It shows you care(TM). Or something.